Smarter Goal SettingInformation tips and resources for all your goal setting and self improvement needs

You’re at the crossroads again. You’ve made mistakes and now it is harder to choose. Fear has you in it’s grip, you don’t know which choice is best. Well, come and trust who you are and come back to your origins to discover your ability to choose powerfully.

We’ve all experienced the same thing at important crossroads in our life when big changes were underway. Often, we find ourselves feeling panic and frozen in time, possibly with indecision, waiting and wondering: Which way to go?;  How will things turn out? Sometimes, you just don’t know what to do.

I’m asked frequently about this topic and oddly, I have a lot of experience with it as well. In fact, I find my life in this state of flux often as more changes loom on the horizon. Everyone, myself included, wants answers. What should I do? How do I know? These answers are never forthcoming; we cannot see into the future. Every direction can be okay; one can be the best. The simple truth is, we just don’t know with 100% accuracy. This is where awareness and faith come in to play.

Awareness is important on many levels. Knowing the landscape of your life, you can make calculated decisions that support your goals. In business, and daily life activities, we implement this process automatically without much awareness at all, it has become so habitual. This, in part, is where a problem lies. Habitual behavior may not be appropriate as new data becomes available. Auto-pilot means your flying blind. Even when flying a plane on auto-pilot, the pilot will check the instrument panels to ensure the data is consistent. Why don’t we? Be aware of your data.

Your data comes from many sources and most of us are familiar with these sources. I might surprise some of you with new concepts. The common source that we’re all familiar with is the mind and store-house of knowledge and experience we have gained from life. Again, those who rely solely upon this source risk repeating the same mistakes over and over again. The mystery of life dictates that our ability to identify with life experience as truth results in creating more of this truth in our lives. If this truth is a truth of painful experience, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Utilizing other sources, we are able to objectively assess all sources and come to new conclusions.

The next common source is our emotions and intuition; they often are synonomous. A surprising fact here is that not everyone is in touch with their emotions or permit the emotions the freedom they deserve. Emotions are very useful in interpreting and/or being aware of underlying factors that may not be evident through hard tangible data. For some this is a gut-feeling, others have a flash of insight or conclusion, and others feel twinges in certain parts of the body without being aware of any potential significance. I have scenarios for each and will refrain from elaborating further for the sake of brevity today. Be curious to explore it further though.

A less common source for most is our spiritual awareness. This is a quiet place within that has a higher level of wisdom for the greater good. This can be pertinent to you, your life, your family life, community, work, the world, and so on. The levels of knowledge accessible here are limitless. It is as though we are connected to a universal storehouse of knowledge. This place of knowing is far less judgemental and emotional but has the ability to synthesize the data from the mind and emotions, integrating and offering solutions from a much higher level of consciousness. This is something that many people find themselves seeking as they mature and look for more significance in their lives and meaning in their work.

Finally, we must talk about the role of faith. This is part of what I teach and coach in my profession. It is the co-creative relationship and process that we have as human-beings with the source of all creation. This isn’t religious, it isn’t specific to any religion, yet it doesn’t contradict any religion. This is born from my own quest for truth integrated with my own life and spiritual experiences. It may be incomplete and is a direction to follow, not a destination for you to reach. Such is the nature of our spiritual life; it is the journey and the ever-changing, ever-increasing level of knowledge and wisdom that we gain through life experience. With an open-mind, entertain our relationship with the source of all creation.

Creation exists, as do we. We see it all around us. Scientists study deeper into the stars. More scientists study deeper into the mysterys of time and space; quantum physics. What is witnessed is creation, its’ magic and its’ mystery. Down at the quantum level we discover that we’re mostly made up of empty space and other unusual phenomena that cannot be explained. Out in the stars, they see an expanding universe. Now, going deeper, with probing satellites and quantum sciences, new theories arise. All seem to point to an apex of creation coming from nothing… a God Force.

Mystery is lived by people accessing this God-Force, understanding their co-creative relationship to this mystery. Understanding that this force is abundant love, it supplies us with what is in our intention. What we intend for our lives becomes real. Many people who do this consistently refer to it as manifesting. As children, many of us have had at least one solid experience of this. We may have just known that we would have something in our lives, whether a gift, an experience, a trip, whatever, and then it happens. There was no fear, doubt, uncertainty, only gladness for what was to come. That is the power of intent.

As adults, so much of our lives have instructed us to ignore so much. Don’t dream to big. You can’t do this. Don’t do that. That’s only for the privileged. You need to have a degree. There is too much competition. This is the way things work. Everywhere you turn, you are told how it is and what cannot be and you become conditioned. We have spent too little time in practice with our spiritual origins that we do not understand this mystery and in our need for control, we stifle its’ requirement for room to breathe and work its’ own magic. We measure things by worldly standards and time clocks, not realizing that in the bigger picture, some of those so-called failures actually were important stepping-stones in a grander scheme for our lives. Is our spiritual side still influencing the outcome? Are we making the experience harder, longer, or are we co-operating and making it easier?

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Reading how to books and self-coaching is an excellent way of getting to know yourself, quietly receiving answers you need, or resolving a secret issue you’ve been stuck on.  Not only that, the only challenge will come from you and the only thing standing in the way of your personal development will be you!

I’ve had many ‘aha’ and self-congratulatory moments through coaching myself using self development workbooks. I refer to this as ‘Self-Coaching’.

Self-Coaching yourself in this way is great if you’re:

1. Shy;

2. Too busy for one-on-one coaching;

3. Someone who doesn’t like to go out much;

4. Trying to keep limiting beliefs to yourself;

5. Not ready to be coached by anyone else; and

6. Working on your own personal development without anyone else knowing – that way no-one will be disappointed if you give it up or mess it up.

However to get the most out of this form of coaching you’ll need to be:

1. Committed to creating the change you want;

2. Disciplined;

3. Willing to do whatever it takes to develop yourself, eg spiritual development courses, up-skilling, coaching etc;

4. Aware of when you need outside help.

Please Note: From experience, self-coaching will not be enough if there are deeper issues needing to be resolved; and

5. The driver behind the wheel of change – it’s your life; you’re in charge of your destiny.

Self-coaching can help (depending on the severity of the issue) find strategies to apply to:

1. A relationship break-up or make-up;

2. Work related issues;

3. Indecision – something you’ve always dreamed of doing is forever being pushed aside and you need to make a decision;

4. House move – do I stay or do I leave?

5. Itchy feet and wanting to explore and experience a new lifestyle; and

6. Money problems.

A powerful step towards changing what you no longer want into something you really want is by remembering and experiencing what you’d like to change. Then, as you close the door of the past behind you, aim for and take action to making it happen.

Start by goal-setting the what, why, how of transformation, and when you want it to happen by.

A few more tips if you’re coaching yourself are:

1. Keep a diary or journal and write in it every day of how you worked towards achieving inner change. You’ll be able to look back and reflect upon your journey, how you did it, the frustrations, obstacles, and triumphs. It will also give you a sense of achievement, after all you did it.

2. Become aware of how you do things and ask yourself “if you could do this in a better way, how would you do it?”

3. As you coach yourself, at the end of every week summarise what you’ve written and determine what changes you can make easily for the following week.

4. Learn to meditate to give you inner peace as well as clarity not only whilst working with your situation but also to give yourself another self-help tool for your ‘life skill toolkit’.

5. Take up a spiritual development course and increase your intuition. People use their intuition practically every day without realising it, increasing your intuition can help in all areas of your life.

6. Inform everyone who needs to know that you’ll be offline for however long your self coaching sessions will be. Once you’ve organised your time, be ruthless and stick to your timetable. Failing to do this will result in a nasty thing called procrastination to hold you captive!

7. Make a special note of any limiting beliefs you discover about yourself. For example, maybe you have a hang up around earning an income, or maybe you’re not as confident as you like to believe you are. In this case if you are unable to find solutions to these beliefs it’s time to call upon the services of a transformational coach or other professional (this applies to anything you’re unable to effectively work through).

The success of any ‘Self-Coaching’ program is dependent on two things:

1. Your level of commitment; and

2. The quality and content of the workbook itself. It must be designed and developed by someone with coaching experience, an understanding of adult learning principles and the ability to encapsulate it all in ‘simple speak’.

Self-coaching has been an excellent ‘self-help’ tool for me over the years and may help you in some way too.

Michaela Scherr Transformational Coach

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Why do so many self help, positive thinking and motivational seminars, books and audios not work, and what can I do that will work for me?

Why do so many self help, positive thinking and motivational seminars, books and audios not work, and what can I do that will work for me?

Some of the things that need to be considered in any realistic and effective life manifestation program are:
The person or people providing the training, mentoring, and/or coaching need to be masters of their own philosophies and living proof that the lessons being taught do actually work.
They need to be providing the information as part of their own ongoing self manifestation. If these important factors are covered then that’s a good place to start.
These things are obviously very important, but I’d like you to consider the following:

Below are my thoughts on the first thing to consider, and what can be done to help ensure successful life manifestation.

Does the program cater for the individual? We are all products of our genetic make up and social conditioning, that’s why we are where we are now, getting through life by reacting to our surroundings. There’s nothing wrong with that, if we react in the way we choose and don’t have someone or something else make that choice for us.
If a program isn’t available to us at a time and place that is truly convenient for us then chances are we will never be able to participate fully, or even complete the program. Therefore we’ll end up right where we started! And blame the course for not working! Because then, we can justify our failure, and continue along the same road we’ve been walking for years, we know this road and it’s familiar to us so we are comfortable here. We have just reinforced the behaviour that got us where we are now. That doesn’t help us does it?

Rewind! Why did we start the course in the first place? Answer because we aren’t comfortable where we are today! Right?
If we want to change this pattern we need to be careful in choosing something or someone to help us to help ourselves.

While it’s easy to understand, theoretically, that in order to make changes we have to take action and start changing the things we do, say, and think, this is akin to asking some of us to run before we can walk. It may be easy for some of us, but for others taking the suggested action in a particular book, program, or course might involve stepping too far out of our comfort zone.
Therefore, a program that is personal and convenient means that we will be able to succeed at a pace that we are comfortable with, help ourselves, and this will give us success.
As you probably know “success breeds success” every time we take a small action and have positive results from it we are able to realistically perceive ourselves achieving more and more.  Therefore I truly believe that a program that offers convenience will always be more effective than one that is less convenient to the user.

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Follow these important steps to becoming a more responsible and effective coach.

Assuming the Responsibilities that come with Being a Coach

Who can forget the famous line of Peter Parker (Spiderman’s grandfather)?  He said, “With great power comes great responsibility.”

Society expects Spiderman – a comic book, TV and movie superhero with extraordinary powers – to be responsible for saving his town and the world from the forces of Evil.  And he never let us down. Despite the temptations of owning such powers, he uses his abilities only for the good of the people around him.

Being a coach has similar parallels.  They don’t have superhuman powers such as x-ray vision or flying through the air with magic “sticky ropes”.  But great coaches can have real power through their abilities to help others – and with it, the responsibility – to guide others towards success.  This is REAL power that can be used to help real people in THIS world.  Done well, coaches can help others turn around their lives.  Done wrong, and a coach could guide a client down the wrong path.

So, with this power to coach your clients towards manifesting their personal and/or business vision comes responsibilities.  Great coaches assume them all as part of the professional responsibility. This can include everything from making sure your client is moving in the right direction, getting them back on course when they are not, and developing and tracking their use of exercises to help them along the way.

There are a few things you can do to be a more responsible coach.  Just as important, these same skills can be imparted to your clients to help them lead more responsible, integrity-filled lives.

How to Bring out the more Responsible “You” in Yourself and your Client

#1 – Develop self-awareness.

Learn and know your own strengths and weaknesses to be able to view your behavior objectively.  Recognize your shortcomings, receive feedback, and make changes when necessary.  The more self-aware you become of all your aspects, the more you will know what kind of clients you can coach best and – just as important – those best referred to others.
Dr. Gerard Bell, business consultant and professor at the University of North Carolina in
Chapel Hill, advises us on how to expand our self-knowledge.  He said, “Study yourself closely and practice self-assessment techniques to learn how you behave, and the effects you have on others.  As others for their option, feedback, and suggestions to become a better coach.”
The lesson is simple: the more we grow, the more we can offer, and the more we can help others.

#2: Learn to Separate Responsibility from Worry

When we hear the word “responsibility”, we often think to ourselves, “Another task, another problem.”  However, responsibility is not about worrying over things give to us to work out.  Consider this story:

One night at the end of the second shift, the Head of Operations walked out of the plant he managed and passed a porter.  A porter he passed said, “Mr. Smith, I sure wish I had your pay.  But I wouldn’t want the worry that goes with it.”

Mr. Smith answered, “I give the best I can when I am here.  But I drop the worry when I leave so I can be 100% with my family when I’m at home.”

You, too, can learn to give your best to challenging work, but then “leave it at the door” when you’re off-hours.  Worrying accomplishes nothing except to eat away at us, and actually ends up making us less effective!  Don’t let worry taint your clarity of judgment and ability to take decisive action.  You can learn this as you grow.

Carrying the responsibility of coaching should not intimidate you.  It is the ability to help others that coaching is all about.  Embrace the responsibilities that come with it.

Nothing is gained by worrying about whether your clients achieve their goals or not.  Focus on supporting and inspiring them.  Be their partner in their growth.  Brainstorm with them when it is called for.  But ultimately, it is your client’s responsibility to assume responsibility for accomplishing their goals.  You merely help them see and achieve this state.

#3: Take Calculated Risks and Learn from Your Mistakes

Effective coaches have the courage to ask their clients to take risks when results and success are uncertain.  A willing ness to risk failure is a core attribute of all successful people.

As a coach you can help your clients work with risk and possible failure.  Help them learn to analyze their situation and options.  Work with them to list the pros and cons for each option, then assign each choice a risk factor rating from 1 to 5.  Next, have them determine the likelihood of each occurring.  This will help them quantify and manage the risk-taking process.
Also, lead them to a better paradigm regarding failure.  What is failure other than great feedback that our current course of action isn’t the right path?  Use this information for course correction.  Failure doesn’t happen until we give up.  If you don’t give up, then failure isn’t an option.

#4: Own and admit our mistakes

Our greatest lessons and growth come through our mistakes. Everyone makes them; it is part of life.  Help your client understand this, and they will be able to draw the necessary lessons and take corrective action.  If we do the “blame game”, we don’t even take the first step (ownership) in this process.

Not only does owning our mistakes and failures help us to be more truthful and powerful in our own lives.  Owning and assuming responsibility for them lets others see the integrity and virtue within us, and hence further gain their respect.

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